Introduction: The Moment I Stopped Chasing Butterflies
Driven by the question my daughter asked when she learned of my actions, "Dad, what were you thinking?", I made a commitment early on in my incarceration to truly understand my thought process. What was I thinking, and why? More importantly, how could I prevent myself from thinking that way again?
As I reflected deeply on my mindset during the period when I engaged in unethical behavior, one thing became crystal clear: I had plenty to be happy about. I had healthy children, a loving family, a successful career, and great business partners. But despite all that, I wasn’t content. I was chasing something more, something elusive, believing that happiness lay just beyond my reach. I was chasing butterflies.
The harder I chased external forms of happiness—money, status, influence—the more it slipped through my fingers. It was during this time of intense self-reflection that I realized true happiness isn’t something you chase; it’s something you allow to find you. Like a butterfly that flits and flutters away when you chase it, but might just land on you when you’re still.
The Butterfly Metaphor: A Symbol of Elusive Happiness
The butterfly is a perfect metaphor for happiness. It's delicate, unpredictable, and elusive. The more desperately we pursue it, the further it seems to slip away. Many of us spend our lives chasing happiness—believing that once we achieve the next promotion, accumulate a certain amount of wealth, or gain a particular status, we will finally be happy.
But chasing happiness externally, as I learned the hard way, often leads us down paths that are not only unfulfilling but also ethically dangerous. When we are constantly reaching for something beyond ourselves, we risk making choices that compromise our values. We convince ourselves that the end justifies the means, that unethical behavior is somehow warranted because it will bring us the happiness we seek.
What I’ve come to understand, and what I hope to impart to others through my teachings, is that real, lasting happiness cannot be chased. It has to come from within. Much like a butterfly, happiness lands on us when we are still, when we stop the frantic pursuit and instead focus on inner peace, gratitude, and contentment.
Why We Chase: The Pressure to Seek External Happiness
So, why do we chase happiness? Why is the butterfly so tempting, despite being so elusive?
In my experience, both personal and through teaching the Bitter or Better class to other inmates, I’ve learned that many of us are driven by external pressures. We are conditioned to believe that success equals happiness. We chase money because we believe financial security will bring contentment. We chase power and status because we think they will bring us respect and admiration. The pressure to meet these societal expectations can be overwhelming, and in the process, we lose sight of what truly matters.
For many, including myself, these pressures are so intense that we justify engaging in unethical behavior. We rationalize cutting corners, bending the rules, or even breaking the law, all in pursuit of external happiness. But the reality is, no matter how much money or power we accumulate, it will never be enough. The chase is endless because external happiness is fleeting.
From Prison to Insight: Teaching Bitter or Better
Teaching the Bitter or Better class to other inmates revealed a sobering truth: regardless of the crime committed, we were all in prison because we were chasing butterflies of different kinds. Some of us were chasing money, others power, influence, or status. But the common thread among all of us was that we were seeking happiness in the wrong places. We believed that if we could just get more of whatever we were chasing, we would finally be happy. But the harder we chased, the more we lost.
Through the class, I began to see how this pursuit of external happiness led to unethical decisions not just for me, but for so many of the people I met. We were all trying to fill an internal void with external rewards, and it was this very chase that led us to compromise our values. We believed that happiness could be found in money, power, or status, but instead, we found ourselves behind bars, far from the happiness we sought.
The Stillness of Letting Happiness Find You
The key lesson that emerged from both my personal journey and the Bitter or Better class was this: you can’t chase happiness. You have to let it come to you. And it only comes when you stop chasing, when you are still, content, and grounded in gratitude.
This is the irony of happiness—like the butterfly, it cannot be caught by chasing after it. It must land on you naturally when you are at peace with yourself, when you focus on what you already have rather than what you still desire. For me, gratitude became the key to unlocking this inner stillness. By practicing gratitude, I learned to appreciate what I had, rather than constantly striving for more.
It’s in this stillness that we find ethical clarity as well. When we stop chasing external rewards, we stop justifying unethical behavior. We realize that true fulfillment comes from within, and when we are content internally, we are less likely to compromise our values for fleeting, external pleasures.
Conclusion: Are You Chasing Butterflies?
So, the question I leave you with is this: are you chasing butterflies? Are you constantly reaching for external forms of happiness, believing that the next achievement, the next possession, or the next status symbol will finally bring you peace?
If you are, I urge you to stop. Stop chasing and start embracing stillness. Start practicing gratitude and focus on finding contentment within yourself. When you do, you’ll discover that happiness, like a butterfly, will land on you when you least expect it—when you stop chasing and let it find you.
Comments