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#3 in a 5 Part Series: The Gratitude Pause: A Moment for Honesty and Reflection

Writer: Bill Carlson Bill Carlson
Oct 2, 20244 min read


In today’s fast-paced world, decisions are often made in the heat of the moment, influenced by pressure and urgency. Yet, when it comes to ethical decision-making, pausing before we act is essential. In Bitter or Better, we regularly emphasized the importance of taking a step back to reflect on what truly matters before making any decision. This is where the concept of the gratitude pause comes in—a powerful tool to help you make more thoughtful, honest, and values-driven decisions.


During my time of incarceration, the necessity of this pause became clear. Life in prison forced me to slow down, reflect, and gain insight into why I had made certain choices in the past—choices that were driven by pressures, external influences, and the desire for immediate gratification. The concept of the gratitude pause was developed from these reflections, a practice I incorporated into my daily life. This moment of pause has been essential in helping me, and others I taught in Bitter or Better, shift from impulsive decision-making to thoughtful, ethical actions.


What is the Gratitude Pause?


At its core, the gratitude pause is a deliberate moment where you stop, reflect on what you’re grateful for, and check in with yourself before taking any action. This simple practice helps you stay grounded and make decisions aligned with your values, rather than being swayed by pressures, fears, or immediate rewards.


Gratitude, as we’ve discussed in previous blogs, brings your focus back to what is most important. It helps you step out of a mindset of scarcity or fear and into one of abundance and contentment. When combined with Honesty—the first letter in the HOGA framework—this pause becomes a moment of deep reflection, where you not only consider what you are grateful for, but also evaluate your true motivations for the decisions you are about to make.


Honesty and Reflection: The Key Components


During the gratitude pause, it’s not enough to simply reflect on what you are grateful for—you must also be honest with yourself. This is where Honesty plays a crucial role in making ethical decisions. You need to ask yourself tough questions:

  • Why am I making this choice?

  • Am I acting out of fear, greed, or pressure?

  • Is this decision in line with my core values?


Being truthful about your motivations ensures that the decisions you make are rooted in integrity and not influenced by external pressures or short-term gains. This practice of checking in with yourself—of acknowledging and confronting your internal motivators—is what allows you to stay on the ethical path.


The power of this combination was evident during my time in prison. Many of the men I encountered, including myself, were there because of decisions we had made without taking the time to reflect on their long-term consequences. These choices were often driven by immediate desires or external pressures. The Bitter or Better course introduced the gratitude pause as a way to stop, reflect, and ensure that future decisions would be made with integrity and clarity.


Why the Gratitude Pause Matters


Research from the Journal of Positive Psychology shows that individuals who practice gratitude are more likely to make thoughtful, ethical decisions. Gratitude reduces impulsivity by shifting focus from immediate needs to long-term values. When we pause to appreciate what we have, we’re less likely to make decisions that compromise our integrity for temporary rewards.


This finding aligns with my personal experience and the Bitter or Better course. During the gratitude pause, it’s easier to step back and think about the larger picture rather than getting caught up in the heat of the moment. This pause helps us see past the pressures we face—whether they are internal, like fear or insecurity, or external, like societal expectations or workplace stress—and make decisions that are truly in line with our values.


How to Implement the Gratitude Pause


Here are some simple steps to integrate the gratitude pause into your life:

  1. Pause before reacting: Whenever you feel the urge to act quickly or impulsively, stop. Take a deep breath and remind yourself to pause.

  2. Reflect on what you’re grateful for: In that moment, think about what you are grateful for. It could be a relationship, a past opportunity, or simply the fact that you have options and the ability to choose. This practice will ground you in the present.

  3. Be honest with yourself: Ask yourself the hard questions. Why am I making this choice? Are my actions aligned with my values? What pressures are influencing me, and how can I resist them?

  4. Make the decision: After taking a moment for gratitude and honesty, proceed with the decision that reflects your integrity, not just what’s expedient or convenient.


HOGA in Action: Honesty and Gratitude Together


The gratitude pause is a prime example of how Honesty and Gratitude—two elements of the HOGA framework—work together. Honesty allows you to confront your true motivations, while gratitude helps you focus on what’s truly important. Together, they create a powerful tool for making decisions that are thoughtful, ethical, and aligned with your core values.

During my incarceration, this combination helped me and others in Bitter or Better rethink how we approached decisions. We realized that a quick choice made without reflection could have lasting consequences, while a decision grounded in gratitude and honesty would ultimately lead to a more ethical, fulfilling life.


Conclusion


The gratitude pause is a simple yet transformative practice that encourages reflection, honesty, and ethical decision-making. In a world full of pressures and distractions, taking a moment to pause, reflect on what you’re grateful for, and be honest about your motivations can make all the difference in ensuring that your actions align with your values. By incorporating the gratitude pause into your daily routine, you’ll find that your decisions not only become more ethical but also more fulfilling.


In the next post, we’ll explore the concept of Willful Blindness and how awareness helps us confront the uncomfortable truths we often avoid. Stay tuned to learn more about navigating the complexities of ethical decision-making with integrity.

 
 
 

Comentários

What the Professionals Are Saying 

"I teach a course on negotiations, during which I spend a good deal of time talking about honesty and ethics in negotiations. As an ethics researcher, I think it is important that students not only understand strategies for successfully claiming value in negotiations, but also learn about the temptations they will face to engage in unethical bargaining, and unethical behavior more broadly in their professional careers. Bill brought this message to life. Bill explained to my students – with openness, authenticity, and scientific insight – the ethical missteps he took in his career. I am incredibly grateful to have had Bill in my class – I learned from him just as much as my students did. I think he would be a welcome, and much needed, addition to any course related to ethics, well-being, power and influence, or negotiations (and likely many more!)."   

                                                                        Professor Emma Levine/ University of Chicago Booth School of Business 

“Bill Carlson has a reservoir of experience that will resonate with college students and professionals from all walks of life. Seldom do you encounter an individual willing to openly share his foibles and mistakes in an attempt to deviate the life paths of those mutually-inclined to make the same errors. Bill lays his life bare in his presentation and shares the detrimental impact his decision-making had on his personal and professional life; yet he lays the foundation for an inroad to a better future built upon his gratitude for life, learning from his mistakes, and pursuit of his new definition of “life wholeness”.  

                                                                         Dr. William C. McCoy, Director/Rutland Institute for Ethics

                                                                         Visiting Professor, College of Education/Clemson University 

"For over 30 years, I have been teaching full- and part-time. For the past eleven years I have been a member of the accounting faculty at Fordham University. This semester, Fall 2021, Mr. Carlson agreed to speak with my students about his story, and I can say that I have had few guest speakers who delivered such a powerful message about the importance of professional obligations. It was the story of a seemingly nice guy who exhibited a lack of judgment and would pay a heavy price for it. Most importantly, it is a story of a man who reflected upon his moral lapse and has made a solid commitment to helping others."              

                                                                                       Timothy P. Hedley, Ph.D., CPA, CFF, CFE

                                                                            Retired Global Leader of Fraud Risk Management Services, KPMG LLP

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