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Blog 3: Why We Chase Butterflies

Writer: Bill Carlson Bill Carlson

In Blog 2, we explored how chasing external sources of happiness—whether it’s money, power, status, or possessions—often leads to ethical compromises and leaves us feeling unfulfilled. In this third installment of our series, we’ll dig deeper into the reasons why we chase these "butterflies" in the first place. Understanding the internal and external drivers behind the chase is essential to breaking free from the cycle and finding true fulfillment from within.


The Root of the Chase: External Validation


From an early age, many of us are conditioned to believe that happiness is something we can attain through external achievements. Society bombards us with messages that equate success with happiness—whether it’s through financial wealth, career advancements, social status, or material possessions. We grow up internalizing these ideas, believing that if we can just accumulate enough external markers of success, happiness will follow.

In prison, I saw firsthand how many inmates, myself included, fell into this trap. We chased different types of butterflies, each thinking that external validation would lead to lasting contentment. Whether we were striving for money, recognition, or influence, the common denominator was the belief that happiness came from outside of ourselves. But as we discussed in Bitter or Better, chasing external validation often leads to pressure—pressure to succeed, to conform, and ultimately to make unethical decisions in pursuit of these elusive goals.


Our society places immense value on external success, and many of us feel obligated to live up to those expectations. Whether it's through family, culture, or the media, we learn that happiness is measured by how others perceive us, not how we feel inside.


Internal Drivers: Fear and Insecurity


While society pushes us to seek external validation, internal forces play a powerful role as well. For many of us, the chase is driven by fear and insecurity. We fear failure, inadequacy, and not living up to the standards others set for us—or that we set for ourselves. This fear leads us to believe that happiness is something to be earned through external accomplishments.


When I look back on my own experience, I realize that much of my pursuit of money and success was rooted in a desire to overcome feelings of insecurity. I thought that if I could achieve more—earn more, possess more—those accomplishments would fill the void inside me. But no matter how much I attained, the sense of fulfillment I craved never arrived. The chase for external happiness only deepened my sense of inadequacy, leading me down a path of unethical decisions in my attempt to "catch" what I believed would make me happy.

Many of the inmates I taught had similar stories. Their butterflies were different, but the motivations were the same. Whether it was financial security, status, or material possessions, we all believed that catching these butterflies would make us feel whole.


Happiness from Within vs. External Sources


The realization that external success does not lead to happiness is a hard but liberating truth. Chasing butterflies—whether they represent wealth, status, or possessions—only keeps us in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction. True happiness doesn’t come from what we acquire; it comes from within. It’s about being at peace with who we are, being open and honest with ourselves, and recognizing that external achievements can never fill the internal void.


In the Bitter or Better class, one of the key lessons we taught was the importance of shifting focus away from external markers of happiness and toward cultivating inner peace and gratitude. When we stop chasing butterflies and focus on the things that truly matter—like our values, our relationships, and our personal growth—we start to realize that happiness comes not from what we achieve, but from how we live.

Conclusion: Recognizing the Chase and Moving Forward

Breaking free from the butterfly chase requires honest self-reflection. We must acknowledge the external pressures and internal fears that drive us to pursue happiness through achievements and possessions. Only by letting go of these pursuits can we begin to find lasting fulfillment from within.

In Blog 4, we’ll explore how these pressures influence our ethical decision-making and how understanding the role of pressure can help us avoid compromising our values in the future.

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What the Professionals Are Saying 

"I teach a course on negotiations, during which I spend a good deal of time talking about honesty and ethics in negotiations. As an ethics researcher, I think it is important that students not only understand strategies for successfully claiming value in negotiations, but also learn about the temptations they will face to engage in unethical bargaining, and unethical behavior more broadly in their professional careers. Bill brought this message to life. Bill explained to my students – with openness, authenticity, and scientific insight – the ethical missteps he took in his career. I am incredibly grateful to have had Bill in my class – I learned from him just as much as my students did. I think he would be a welcome, and much needed, addition to any course related to ethics, well-being, power and influence, or negotiations (and likely many more!)."   

                                                                        Professor Emma Levine/ University of Chicago Booth School of Business 

“Bill Carlson has a reservoir of experience that will resonate with college students and professionals from all walks of life. Seldom do you encounter an individual willing to openly share his foibles and mistakes in an attempt to deviate the life paths of those mutually-inclined to make the same errors. Bill lays his life bare in his presentation and shares the detrimental impact his decision-making had on his personal and professional life; yet he lays the foundation for an inroad to a better future built upon his gratitude for life, learning from his mistakes, and pursuit of his new definition of “life wholeness”.  

                                                                         Dr. William C. McCoy, Director/Rutland Institute for Ethics

                                                                         Visiting Professor, College of Education/Clemson University 

"For over 30 years, I have been teaching full- and part-time. For the past eleven years I have been a member of the accounting faculty at Fordham University. This semester, Fall 2021, Mr. Carlson agreed to speak with my students about his story, and I can say that I have had few guest speakers who delivered such a powerful message about the importance of professional obligations. It was the story of a seemingly nice guy who exhibited a lack of judgment and would pay a heavy price for it. Most importantly, it is a story of a man who reflected upon his moral lapse and has made a solid commitment to helping others."              

                                                                                       Timothy P. Hedley, Ph.D., CPA, CFF, CFE

                                                                            Retired Global Leader of Fraud Risk Management Services, KPMG LLP

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