In Blog 2, we explored how chasing external sources of happiness—whether it’s money, power, status, or possessions—often leads to ethical compromises and leaves us feeling unfulfilled. In this third installment of our series, we’ll dig deeper into the reasons why we chase these "butterflies" in the first place. Understanding the internal and external drivers behind the chase is essential to breaking free from the cycle and finding true fulfillment from within.
The Root of the Chase: External Validation
From an early age, many of us are conditioned to believe that happiness is something we can attain through external achievements. Society bombards us with messages that equate success with happiness—whether it’s through financial wealth, career advancements, social status, or material possessions. We grow up internalizing these ideas, believing that if we can just accumulate enough external markers of success, happiness will follow.
In prison, I saw firsthand how many inmates, myself included, fell into this trap. We chased different types of butterflies, each thinking that external validation would lead to lasting contentment. Whether we were striving for money, recognition, or influence, the common denominator was the belief that happiness came from outside of ourselves. But as we discussed in Bitter or Better, chasing external validation often leads to pressure—pressure to succeed, to conform, and ultimately to make unethical decisions in pursuit of these elusive goals.
Our society places immense value on external success, and many of us feel obligated to live up to those expectations. Whether it's through family, culture, or the media, we learn that happiness is measured by how others perceive us, not how we feel inside.
Internal Drivers: Fear and Insecurity
While society pushes us to seek external validation, internal forces play a powerful role as well. For many of us, the chase is driven by fear and insecurity. We fear failure, inadequacy, and not living up to the standards others set for us—or that we set for ourselves. This fear leads us to believe that happiness is something to be earned through external accomplishments.
When I look back on my own experience, I realize that much of my pursuit of money and success was rooted in a desire to overcome feelings of insecurity. I thought that if I could achieve more—earn more, possess more—those accomplishments would fill the void inside me. But no matter how much I attained, the sense of fulfillment I craved never arrived. The chase for external happiness only deepened my sense of inadequacy, leading me down a path of unethical decisions in my attempt to "catch" what I believed would make me happy.
Many of the inmates I taught had similar stories. Their butterflies were different, but the motivations were the same. Whether it was financial security, status, or material possessions, we all believed that catching these butterflies would make us feel whole.
Happiness from Within vs. External Sources
The realization that external success does not lead to happiness is a hard but liberating truth. Chasing butterflies—whether they represent wealth, status, or possessions—only keeps us in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction. True happiness doesn’t come from what we acquire; it comes from within. It’s about being at peace with who we are, being open and honest with ourselves, and recognizing that external achievements can never fill the internal void.
In the Bitter or Better class, one of the key lessons we taught was the importance of shifting focus away from external markers of happiness and toward cultivating inner peace and gratitude. When we stop chasing butterflies and focus on the things that truly matter—like our values, our relationships, and our personal growth—we start to realize that happiness comes not from what we achieve, but from how we live.
Conclusion: Recognizing the Chase and Moving Forward
Breaking free from the butterfly chase requires honest self-reflection. We must acknowledge the external pressures and internal fears that drive us to pursue happiness through achievements and possessions. Only by letting go of these pursuits can we begin to find lasting fulfillment from within.
In Blog 4, we’ll explore how these pressures influence our ethical decision-making and how understanding the role of pressure can help us avoid compromising our values in the future.
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